24, female, Midtown Manhattan, working in corporate finance. She often wonders if she peaked already, and is now just racing downhill in a speedboat full of misplaced ambition, yuppie angst, and terribly bad work habits.
8:15 AM – Rough Morning
I wake up feeling like there’s a small Mexican toddler in my belly. That’s what a night of fajitas, rice, and sangria will do: impregnate you.
11:05 AM – He’s Actually a 12-Year Old Boy
I have a meeting with an IT guy who has action figures on his desk. There is a GI Joe next to the family photo of his three kids. I’m not judging… but, he also has a WWE folding chair. I sit on Stone Cold Steve Austin’s face as he (the IT guy) explains the statistical properties of data matching.
11:45 AM – My Office Romance
Like many companies, we have to touch our ID card against a scanner to get into the office. I have become so lazy that I’ve taken to hipchecking the scanner, because it’s too much work to pull out the ID from my pocket. And when I have my ID in my back pocket, it’s like having a little bump and grind with the scanner: turn around, love tap, access granted, feeling good!
…Of course, I only do this when I’m by myself. Or else it would just be embarrassing.
12:01 PM – Why I Haven’t Left Finance Yet
I walk outside to go to lunch and there is a huge line stretching the entire length of the street. People are filling out job applications while they wait. It harkens back to a Depression-era bread line, reminding me once again that jobs = food. And even though I may dislike my job, I love food.
12:40 PM – My Work Oasis in the Elevator
Back from lunch. I love when I get into an elevator alone. Usually I do some stretching. Sometimes I sing. “I Will Survive” is a favorite, especially given how rickety and slow the elevators are. And because there are no (visible) security cameras in here, I feel completely justified in my elevator activities: everyone needs an outlet.
TOTALS: One hour of data mining, two work projects completed, six elevator rides, one elevator ride alone (“I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give”), and three love taps, with one interrupted by a co-worker who I can no longer look in the eye.