Oftentimes there are moments at work when I think that I’m living an episode of The Office. Although I’ve never run an employee over with a car, embarked on an interoffice romance, or staged a suicide to rally my co-workers, I’d argue that some of these moments are Dunder-Mifflin worthy: (And sadly, they are all true.)
- Forced to dress up a life-size, cardboard cutout of my former boss for Easter. I’m not sure what’s worse: A) Spent $13 at Staples to pick up markers and poster board… B) Spent $120,000+ on my college education, only to regress to fourth-grade arts and crafts… C) That my boss has a life-size cardboard cutout of himself.
- Asked by a man dressed as a vampire if I wanted candy. In the office… in the middle of June. Apparently the people who run our employee blood drive have a strange sense of humor.
- Got hit in the face by a Frisbee. A director in my old group enjoyed knocking out light bulbs with Frisbees. One time, my face got in the way.
- Attended an employee retreat where an HR rep told us, “The company owns you.” This was in response to a question about switching functions. Apparently it is not encouraged.
- Found some interesting material left in the shared printer. It seems like one of my co-workers wrote romance novels while at work… with herself as the main character.
Given that art appears to imitate reality, perhaps there’s something to Michael Scott quitting his job on The Office in favor of a startup. Some worthy startup ideas in a recession?
- Manufacture giant inflatable rats: With businesses cutting back on unionized (ie. more costly) labor, expect to see more inflatable rats appearing across the country. In fact, they might need a whole family of giant hideous rats to cover all of Detroit.
- Invest in dive bars: We might be cutting back on clothes, entertainment, vacations, and even food, but people have to get their alcohol somewhere…
- Sell your soul… literally: There used to be a kid in high school who would go around and buy people’s souls for $5. One time he even offered up $20. Although I never sold him my soul (I was holding out for $40), I’m sure plenty of people could use $20 in this economy. So if this kid isn’t living on the streets yet, I’d track him down…