Tag Archives: healthcare town halls

Are We Regressing?

EVOLUTION3

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Are You Ready for Some Football? (As In, Are You Ready for A Public Option?)

On Tuesday, the biggest story of the day was whether the public option had officially come out of retirement.  Last week, after President Obama downplayed its importance as just a “sliver” of healthcare reform, the public option had all but cleaned out its locker.  Political pundits immediately jumped on the story, claiming that the White House was “ready to drop [the] public option” and that Obama had “killed” it.  (The killing was all done with the blessing of the death panel, of course.)

On Tuesday, however, the public option made a comeback.  Robert Gibbs told press correspondents that Obama indeed “prefers a public option” and that it’s still a “priority.”   Sixty House Democrats sent Kathleen Sebelius a love letter,  imploring her to save the public option.  Even Howard Dean made the rounds, saying that reform would not be possible without it… Yeeeaaaah!

Given the denials, the backpedaling, and all the ups and downs, polls show that Americans are getting sick of this talk.  We just want to know what will happen next.

favreWell, here is where a Brett Favre analogy can help.  Favre is a Hall of Fame quarterback specializing in football and flippy floppies.  He retired from the Green Bay Packers in March 2008, un-retired in August 2008 to play for the Jets, re-retired from the Jets in February 2009, and then un-re-retired just yesterday, announcing his intention to play for the Vikings.

With the public option, we’ve already done the retirement waffle dance.  Now, it’s gametime.  If we follow the Brett Favre Story, then we have a few more months of “will they” or “won’t they.”  Once it’s decided upon that the public option will be included in the healthcare bill, it’ll keep things close… but in the end, it will ultimately fold under pressure.  It will naturally stay in the pocket too long, get kicked around by angry Republicans clawing for a win in 2010, and toss up an ill-timed pass into coverage that will get intercepted by a watered-down bill of “reform.”  Then, defeated once again, the public option shall retire to a field of diminutive co-ops, rising healthcare costs, and Wrangler jeans, forever reminiscing about the days of Obamacare and greener pastures by the bay.

It may be a stretch… but Favre did throw 22 interceptions last year.  This won’t end well.

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Defending Our Right to (Grizzly) Bear Arms

Back in May, at the White House press correspondents’ dinner, Barack Obama praised his wife Michelle, who was wearing a sleeveless dress.  He joked, “No matter which party you belong to, you agree that Michelle has the right to bare arms.”

It’s three months later, and for some reason, no one finds the Second Amendment funny anymore.

bear-arms

Maybe it’s because protesters are showing up at town hall rallies not only with handguns, but now, with assault rifles.  What’s next, grenade launchers and howitzers?  Maybe it’s because the same protesters are carrying signs urging us to refresh the “tree of liberty…with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”  This metaphorical tree seems awfully high-maintenance.

Or maybe it’s because the rationale for bringing a semi-automatic weapon to a public event is just too simple:  “Because I can,” said one man carrying an AR-15 at Obama’s town hall in Arizona.

Who came up with this crazy amendment?

Some of the reasons for our right to bear arms seem awfully outdated.  Perhaps “self-defense” may still apply in some cases…but I’m guessing that “slave control” is no longer used as an argument.

From news reports, it appears that most of our gun-toting friends are against Obama’s healthcare plan.  That’s not a huge surprise: conservatives and guns go together like peas and carrots, red meat and huntin’, God and NASCAR.  Softy liberals like Obama are trying to convince people with logic and common sense; heat-packin’ conservatives just prefer to shoot their opponents.  So, I can see why the Second Amendment doesn’t play with a laugh track anymore.

The GOP has made it clear that bringing guns to these healthcare debates is justified: then again, they’ve also embraced alarmist terms like “death panels,” launched ads about Obama euthanizing Grandma, and made allusions to socialism, communism, and America turning into Russia.  If I didn’t have a lefty conscience, I’d be chasing Obama around with a Golden Gun too.

levi-andyAt least in recent days, conservatives have diversified their attack.  Now, they have a song (“Grandma Got Run Over By Obama”) and dance (former House majority leader Tom DeLay just confirmed that he will be on next season’s Dancing with the Stars).  And today, Bristol Palin’s baby daddy said he’d pose nude for money.  Perhaps Levi, the “prolific baby maker,” needs more artillery for sheep hunting.

But hey, in this country, we still have the right to bare arms.

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Grandma Got Run Over By Obama:

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe

She’d been seeing Doc quite often
For her heart and lumbago
But one day she got a letter
Saying “sacrifice yourself; it’s time to go”

They found her DOA that mornin’
At the scene of the attack
“Rejected” stamped upon her forehead
And an incriminatin’ O upon her back

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe

Now we’re all so proud of Grandpa
They don’t have him on the run
See him in there watchin’ NASCAR
And clinging bitterly to God and guns

It’s just not the same without Grandma
She was too young to be whacked
Only 70 on her next birthday
But too old according to The One’s contract

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe

Now the funeral is over
And the family’s steeped in gloom
And now ACORN’s at the front door
Taking stock of Grandpa’s empty extra room

I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for your health
We should never have elected
A man whose main concern is spreading wealth

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe!

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Healthcare Reform for The Old and the Lethargic

During the past week, we found out about two high-profile affairs (Rick Pitino and Bernie Madoff), learned the fate of two embattled NFL athletes (Michael Vick and Donte Stallworth), and watched as Miley Cyrus danced on a stripper pole.  Yes, the second week of August had sex, sports, and scandal…

And yet, all anyone wants to talk about is healthcare reform. (That makes me happy, even if it means we have to hear from people like Katy Abram.)

daysofourlivesOf course, healthcare reform has been a pretty juicy topic.  Much of the past week was a soap opera of sorts, with quite a bit of melodramatic yelling, crying, and confusion.  Did Barack put out a hit on Sarah Palin’s son?  Did Chuck Grassley just stab Barack in the back?  Are Sarah and Chuck getting it on in the Aetna executive boardroom?

Like every good soap opera, we have an array of villains and the constant threat of violence (thanks Second Amendment!).   But unlike currently televised soap operas where it’s easy to spot the villain (it’s the man with the bulging neck), the healthcare reform soap leaves it up to you.  Are you convinced that wily Sarah is making up incendiary lies to discredit Barack?  Or do you think Barack wants to euthanize the elderly?  It’s a tough call.

Either way, I’m excited to see how this ends.  Will Sarah’s premonition come true in Guiding (Grandma’s) Light?  Will we see Chuck and Barack make up in One Life to Give?  Will our universal healthcare plan see defeat in As the World Turns Socialist?

I know one thing: this is way more exciting than General Hospital.

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The Sleeping Giant Has Been Awakened!

I wish all town hall participants would be gracious enough to come on national TV and get completely undressed like this.  I almost felt bad for Katy Abram, since she was obviously overmatched.  At one point, she offered up the following as her excuse: “Maybe I’m just not that smart.”

Well… you ARE fighting a mission to deny your parents Social Security and Medicare on the grounds that if George Washington didn’t come up with it, then it must be a dangerous, socialist tool that will turn Americans into Russians.

But at least you admit to it.

After watching this, I tried not to immediately judge Katy… Perhaps she was intimidated by Larry O’Donnell, who is my new favorite MSNBC anchor.  But then I saw this clip of her from Sean Hannity’s show (below), where once again, she sounds like she’s reciting pop-up books about the Founders.  As Hannity showers her with praise, Katy espouses her great affection for the Constitution and all things George Washington.  I’m guessing that G-Dubs is cringing in his grave (he only rolls over for Arlen Specter).

Then, a twist!  Hannity reveals that Katy had once voted for Clinton!  And she admits that in her youthful, photojournalist days, she believed in abortion!  Oh God… The GOP have stopped printing the ‘Katy in 2012’ signs.

Thankfully, she met that husband of hers, who (in addition to managing all the money) guided her towards the righteous, tax-free, Republican way.  Or else Katy Abram would have continued down the fiery path towards un-American liberal hell, and nobody would know who she was today.

After the Hardball interview, I bet she would prefer the latter.

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