I think TV is like Thai food — it’s either really good, or horrendously bad. However, unlike pad thai dripped with e.coli, sometimes I can’t tell when a show is bad. I keep on tuning in, watching week after week, until the evil hits me straight in the face, like Chris Brown. Afterwards, at least I can see the crap that I’ve put up with for so long.
Every bad show has a breaking point, where it turns into an abusive, sick-inducing pile of garbage. The O.C. went downhill once Marissa became a lesbian. Grey’s Anatomy kicked the bucket once Izzy started sleeping with the ghost of her dead husband. And The Hills was always terrible, although it became even more unbearable once Kristin showed up.
For me, all of these shows died at critical inflection points: lesbianism, ghosts, and annoying skankbags. And after watching Gossip Girl tonight, I’m beginning to wonder if GG is heading towards the junkyard too. This week’s episode featured more inbred infighting (yawn), lovechild drama (yawn), and some creepy old people singing (Sonic Youth is an ironic name for a tone-deaf band of geezers). The teaser for next week’s Gossip Girl featured backroom gambling. As if Blair Waldorf would ever set foot in a room with bad lighting. Come on.
Sometimes I feel like I know the characters better than they know themselves. Marissa isn’t a lesbian! Blair wouldn’t gamble! But the TV writers come up with such creative ways to make us believe that it could work: blame it on the al-a-a-al-a-alcohol, baby. Or, blame it on a brain tumor. Or, blame it on the need for a blonde reality star to serve as the center of Prada-loving Satan’s attention.
In either case, I would like to bid farewell to Gossip Girl, the latest member of the bad TV crowd to show its true colors. And just for the record, I can’t really tell when my pad thai is swimming with e.coli either. So I suppose the analogy is better than I thought.
And on a completely random, unrelated note: if you want a stomach-turning experience, please see this terrifying Tabasco commercial with pepperoni faces. For some reason, it really creeps me out. I will never eat pizza again.