8:00 AM – Waking Up to “Music”
I wake up to Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” on the radio. I don’t know it yet, but this song will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Oh, joy. I think I’d prefer the theme song to Lamb Chop’s Play-Along instead.
8:45 AM – It’s There to Warn Tourists
On my way to work, I pass by a disturbing billboard in Times Square. Of course, there are hundreds of billboards in Times Square, usually featuring Hawaiian Tropic girls and Calvin Klein models in their underwear. This one, however, has a magnified picture of a bed bug. It appears that bed bugs have become such a big problem that they warrant their own Times Square billboard. I love New York.
10:21 AM – Wrong Number…
I get a call from an unknown number. When I pick up, the guy launches into his pitch: “Hi, my name is Andrew Porter. I love the morning show. I’ve noticed that Al and Matt dress in different suits every day. Well, I own a custom clothing company… Wait, this isn’t NBC Today?… You’re not Al Roker’s assistant?… Can you direct me to Al’s assistant?… Well, goodbye.” Click.
1:29 PM – Guaranteed to Suffer Injury Due to Karma
Is it cruel to wish bad things onto other people? …Probably. But, what if that other person is Alex Rodriguez? I have an animated discussion with a co-worker about misfortunes that could befall A-Rod: A-Rod breaks his leg. A-Rod gets hit by a taxi. A-Rod gets a shard of glass in his eye after an aggressive mirror kiss… We’re not bad people. But we’d just rather cheer for the Taliban than for the Yankees.
4:34 PM – That’s What She Said
We are having our monthly operating review with one of the senior executives of the company. We reach a slide about demographics, which shows our increasingly male base. Our concern is that we are driving away females. The COO studies the slide for a minute. Then she asks: “So, are women not coming at all, or are the men just coming on top of women?” Pause. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Awkwardness.
TOTALS: 6 minutes lost trying to convince Mr. Porter that I was not Al Roker’s assistant, 100+ songs played to try and rid my brain of Miley Cyrus, and 1 extremely awkward meeting in which I strain a muscle from holding in laughter, because clearly — given my choice of music — I have the maturity of a 15-year old.