Over the past few weeks, I have endured a severe case of writer’s block – or, to be more specific, blogger’s block. Blogger’s block is the over-alliterated, ugly stepsister to writer’s block, in which a normally-loquacious blah-ger can’t find anything to blah about.
The recommended “cures” for writer’s block (literary exercises, meditating, or—from one website—writing down “Remember, We Die” on a post-it note) don’t apply to bloggers. Whereas a writer is ostensibly producing three-course meals of high-quality, literary material, a blogger is just churning out frozen pizzas: it has to be short, quick, and immediately satisfying. Essentially, it has to be Delonte West.
Therefore, blogger’s block is rare. There is almost always a topic in which we can provide our most-unnecessary commentary. On this blog, I’ve written about bathrooms, napping, and aliens — all topics that are naturally top-of-mind in the blah universe. Yet, I’m finally at a point where I feel that I’ve exhausted all original thoughts in my head. Within the vastly-narrowed expanse from my left ear to my right, there is nothing remaining that can be easily snippeted into a blog post.
I recognize that blogger’s block is just a phase. We all have those moments when we are temporarily unable to perform. With the help of writing exercises, alcohol, or low doses of Cialis, we’re usually able to overcome these execution issues. Only on rare instances do we Knoblauch ourselves into an ignominious oblivion, never able to regain our past glory.
But human beings are like Pringles. Once we start having these blocks of impotency, we’ll never stop. These frustrating moments will just come to us intermittently, shamefully, as if we’re riding an unpredictably ornery donkey that kicks us off every once in a while. We’d almost rather be Knoblauch – at least we’ll have accepted that we just can’t cut it anymore.
Still, we try. No matter how ugly, terrible, or incomprehensible the result, we try. We take ‘The Little Engine That Could’ and put its picture right up next to our “Remember, We Die” post-it note. So therefore, to combat my blogger’s block, I am blogging about it. I am trying. This, my friends, is the lowest of the low, but hopefully it will re-inspire me to produce some more lowbrow, low-quality, quick and dirty blog posts.
And if that doesn’t work, then I guess I’ll just start taking drugs.