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Defending Our Right to (Grizzly) Bear Arms

Back in May, at the White House press correspondents’ dinner, Barack Obama praised his wife Michelle, who was wearing a sleeveless dress.  He joked, “No matter which party you belong to, you agree that Michelle has the right to bare arms.”

It’s three months later, and for some reason, no one finds the Second Amendment funny anymore.

bear-arms

Maybe it’s because protesters are showing up at town hall rallies not only with handguns, but now, with assault rifles.  What’s next, grenade launchers and howitzers?  Maybe it’s because the same protesters are carrying signs urging us to refresh the “tree of liberty…with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”  This metaphorical tree seems awfully high-maintenance.

Or maybe it’s because the rationale for bringing a semi-automatic weapon to a public event is just too simple:  “Because I can,” said one man carrying an AR-15 at Obama’s town hall in Arizona.

Who came up with this crazy amendment?

Some of the reasons for our right to bear arms seem awfully outdated.  Perhaps “self-defense” may still apply in some cases…but I’m guessing that “slave control” is no longer used as an argument.

From news reports, it appears that most of our gun-toting friends are against Obama’s healthcare plan.  That’s not a huge surprise: conservatives and guns go together like peas and carrots, red meat and huntin’, God and NASCAR.  Softy liberals like Obama are trying to convince people with logic and common sense; heat-packin’ conservatives just prefer to shoot their opponents.  So, I can see why the Second Amendment doesn’t play with a laugh track anymore.

The GOP has made it clear that bringing guns to these healthcare debates is justified: then again, they’ve also embraced alarmist terms like “death panels,” launched ads about Obama euthanizing Grandma, and made allusions to socialism, communism, and America turning into Russia.  If I didn’t have a lefty conscience, I’d be chasing Obama around with a Golden Gun too.

levi-andyAt least in recent days, conservatives have diversified their attack.  Now, they have a song (“Grandma Got Run Over By Obama”) and dance (former House majority leader Tom DeLay just confirmed that he will be on next season’s Dancing with the Stars).  And today, Bristol Palin’s baby daddy said he’d pose nude for money.  Perhaps Levi, the “prolific baby maker,” needs more artillery for sheep hunting.

But hey, in this country, we still have the right to bare arms.

———

Grandma Got Run Over By Obama:

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe

She’d been seeing Doc quite often
For her heart and lumbago
But one day she got a letter
Saying “sacrifice yourself; it’s time to go”

They found her DOA that mornin’
At the scene of the attack
“Rejected” stamped upon her forehead
And an incriminatin’ O upon her back

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe

Now we’re all so proud of Grandpa
They don’t have him on the run
See him in there watchin’ NASCAR
And clinging bitterly to God and guns

It’s just not the same without Grandma
She was too young to be whacked
Only 70 on her next birthday
But too old according to The One’s contract

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe

Now the funeral is over
And the family’s steeped in gloom
And now ACORN’s at the front door
Taking stock of Grandpa’s empty extra room

I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for your health
We should never have elected
A man whose main concern is spreading wealth

Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor’s without leave
You can say there’s no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe!

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