Happy birthday President Obama! Of course, I’m not really sure that today, August 4th, is indeed your real birthday… See, I’ve been listening to Orly Taitz quite a bit lately. She’s obviously a credible woman, given that she is a lawyer, a dentist, and a real estate agent–three of the most beloved and trusted professions in all of America. She’s been leading the charge of the “birthers”, who claim that you were born in Kenya. Yes, the mainstream media (and others) have dismissed her as a “crank” and a “racist lunatic“, but they’re probably just judging her based on how she looks (like a sad, anorexic Mimi Bobeck). And after watching two episodes of ABC’s Dating in the Dark, I’m sick of our superficiality. I just want the truth!
Orly’s most recent stint on MSNBC has me convinced. Mr. President, just admit it. You were born in Kenya. I’ve seen the birth certificate. It says your name, and it has a Kenya stamp on it: that makes it pretty authentic. It disgusts me that you forged your Hawaii birth certificate and planted that announcement in the Honolulu Advertiser. Given that you can’t prove your American birth any more than that, then it looks like your only recourse is to go with Orly’s suggestion: to dig up your father and make him a citizen. That sounds reasonable to me.
According to Orly, 85% of Americans are with me. I mean, I’ve done my research. I’ve read the message boards on the Internet. There are several comments by your fellow Kenyans who claim their parents did the same thing: forged Hawaiian birth certificates and then smuggled their illegal alien babies into the country. Obviously, this makes it true.
So, President Obama, who else is in on this scam? Joe Biden doesn’t really look like he’s from Pennsylvania… he seems pretty shady, and his middle name is Robinette. Hmm, remember the famous Canadian trial lawyer John Josiah Robinette? Well, neither do I, but he’s in Wikipedia. And Scranton is only a six hour drive from Canada… If your parents took a 10,000 mile weekend trip so that you could be born in the best medical facility in the world–the Mombasa hospital in Kenya–then I’m pretty sure the Bidens took a road trip to pop out Joe Robinette in Ottawa. Am I right? Of course, you got rid of all the evidence of your Kenyan birth, flight, and entry into America. I bet the Bidens are trading in that old clunker now for $4,500 and a Prius.
So just admit it, Mr. President. You were born to Muslim jihadists in a rogue terrorist hospital run by Kenyan communists. Don’t get mad at us for exposing the truth: it doesn’t mean we’re xenophobic racist lunatics. That’s just crazy talk. We just think that your Kenyan citizenship affects your ability to lead the nation. Because frankly, well, the President should be a true American: white, Christian, gun-totin’, moose-eatin’ American. But not Sarah Palin. She’s just a bit too familiar with Russia, if you know what I mean…